The Auction
by Aearombereth
Summary: This is not really an auction. It is just Harry and his secretary discussing what Draco should do to win Harry's heart with a bit of help from us authors and panic on Draco's side. Enjoy!


_**The Auction**_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter or I would have had an auction of him myself.

**Author's note:** Crackfic! This is called auction for lack of better title.I hope you enjoy this oneshot. And this contains the general themes of Drarry fics. I am not saying that all of the plots mentioned here are original. In fact most of them are plots of already written stories.

**Warning:** Not beta-ed. This is rated T for now but the rating may go up later i.e. if I continue this story.

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Draco was nervous.

Yes he was a Malfoy, yes Malfoy's weren't supposed to be nervous but none of the past Malfoy had been in the situation of the likes of this either. Because, well a Malfoy didn't fall in love, especially with a boy/ man/ male villa/ male kitten (as was to be soon decided) and a good one at that too! Malfoy's loved evil. They had the tattoo 'evil' at the age of 11 on a random body part. They were infatuated with pure, undiluted, unadulterated evil.

But Draco was different. He loved all that was bright, good and holly. Especially when it came in the package of emerald eyed, wild haired, quidditch toned body.

Draco Malfoy was in love with Saint Potter.

Draco grimaced at his own choice before taking in the details of the hall he had just entered. The resemblace of this hall to the Atrium was unnerving. Draco's name plate was placed in front of a chair which was usually the position of a convict in wizengamot trials.

'Time for the important auction Master Malfoy', his watch announced just as women of all varying ages and sizes appeared out of thin air, in the chairs for wizengamot members while the chair for chief warlock was occupied by the boy/ man/ male villa/ male kitten aka Harry Potter aka the boy who lived aka the chosen one aka... well you get the idea.

Before Draco could get lost in the emerald eyes, a stern voice diverted him and his love. A girl with long chestnut hair and grey eyes, in red and golden robes, was standing next to Potter with a quill and a notepad in her hand.

"Shall we begin the auction Mr. Potter?" The girl- Potter's secretary Draco supposed- asked Potter.

"Alright Angela" Potter told his secretary and soon the secretary's voice boomed in the hall.

"The auction of Harry Potter begins now. Yes you can start Miss. Stewart" She continued, gesturing towards a short, stubby girl with black cropped hair.

"Hello, I am Gilbie Stewart and I adore the Drarry pairing. I have loved this pairing ever since Harry refused Draco's hand in the train" Well she was a genius to guess _**this **_from_** that,**_Draco thought to himself. The girl continued in her eager voice "I like the way their appearance contrasts with each other"

"Your plot Miss. Gilbie" Angela asked with a cold mask and raised eyebrow, at which the girl blushed and said "Yes yes. Right. My plot... hmmm I think we should make Draco save Harry in the grave yard in fourth part. Because you know, his father was summoned and all."

"According to my information, Mr. Malfoy was at Wiltshire at that moment and his son" at this she wrinkled her nose "was at Hogwarts, probably cheering the spiders and monsters to attack Mr. Potter." Draco panicked. Not only because that was true but also from the fact that Potter's secretary hated him and will most probably make this a lot more difficult than it already was. Seriously? Saving Potter in the Graveyard? Draco never went within 10 meters of an empty graveyard, let alone going in one Dark-Lord filled Graveyard. He shuddered even as he thought about it.

"Well then we can make Snape an alley with Draco for his saving Harry mission and he can inform him!" Gilbie the hobbit continued almost bouncing.

"Hmm we will think about it" Angela said noting down the story plot with little interest on her face.

"I have another plot, if you wish" Gilbie chirped again though a bit put down by Angela's dis-interest in her story, no doubt.

"I am sure you have Miss Gilbie but lets give others chance to show their _**talent**_before we listen to your other plots." Angela replied with a tight smile.

Her emphasis on the word talent made Draco wonder if she was an ex-slytherin. He definitely hoped that she was, because then she would have a tinsy-tiny bit sympathy for Draco, but her scowl as she saw him staring at her made him doubt his later statement.

For few moments Potter and Angela whispered furiously. Draco hoped that Potter didn't like this plot. Surely the Gryffindor understood his natural Slytherin cowa- er cunning?

After a few more whispered words on Angela's part and a nod on Harry's part Angela straightened and said "Any other suggestions?"

Hands flew in air everywhere in the hall and Draco wondered if Granger had made her clones with varying appearances for this special purpose only.

"You can tell us you **_plot_ **Miss. Croker" Angela ordered looking at another short stubby girl with dirty blonde hair that looked like dead flobberworms.

"Alright Miss Angela" The girl said in a chiming voice and with a charming smile to Angela, who looked back with a blank expression.

"Well, I think we should make Draco a Villa and Harry his mate and he comes into his Villa inheritance at the age of 16. Draco is horrified to find who his mate is and refuses to acknowledge the fact. Thus balding slowly and becoming thinner than he is now, like an anorexic. Then Harry gets the news from someone and he comes for Draco's aid. Together they solve their issues and this results in a happy bonding." Croker finished managing to take one breath within the whole speech.

"B-B-Bald?" Draco heard himself speak and his voice was so different even to his own ears! He had not sounded this afraid even in the forbidden forest in first year.

To his satisfaction Potter looked horrified too, staring at Draco as if already imagining him bald. Draco hoped that the image won't last long in Potter's mind, and his own mind for that matter.

Angela on the other hand seemed impressed by this plot, to Draco's immense horror, but shook her head, to Draco's immense relief, before speaking in her kindest voice of the evening so far,

"Your plot is good Miss. Croker. But the fact still remains that there are no male Villa so it will be difficult to convert Malfoy here in a totally unique species." With a sympathetic smile to Croker, who looked disappointed, she turned to Potter.

After another whispered conversation and an announcement a tall girl with long ebony goffic hair (geddit?) and black eyeliner and black lipstick and pale foundation stood up and smiled at Angela and then opened her eyes which were like limpid tears and said in a deep goffic voice "I suggest to make Draco and Harry vampires and transfer Harry to Slytherin house and then make every main character a satanist and transfer them to Slytherin house and make them feed on Hufflepuff blood and"

"Miss Sprouse you can tell us your plot now" Angela said talking over the voice of the tall goffic girl who looked furious and then took out a gun that turned into a womb then into a wand and yelled, pointing it at Angela, "CROOKSHANKS!"

Suddenly everything went quiet as everyone looked from the ebony goffic hair girl to Angela who looked at the furious girl with an unimpressed stare.

A moment later she took out her wand and a dove emerged from it before gliding out of the door.

"What was that? you $%$^^& prep?" Tara, whom Draco now recognized as one of his past crazed stalkers, yelled.

"A patronus to St. Mungo's department of irrecoverable mental damage." Angela explained.

Tara didn't seem to understand what this meant and by the time she opened her black lipstick coated lips again, a few healers were already present and they took the girl, who now resembled a wild cat, out of the hall.

"We apologies for the inconvenience caused by this unfortunate occurrence. But do not worry. Even though I was just hit by the most deadly spell ever I will continue the auction because I am that self-sacrificing" Soon the quiet of the hall was replaced by laughter. Even Draco found himself smiling as he looked at the twinkling in a particular set of emerald eyes. At least Potter's secretary had a sense of humor.

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**Author's note:** I really didn't want to stop it here but my mom will wake up any moment now and I don't want to find myself at the other end of her broom. So I will announce this as complete for a while before I get time to write again.


End file.
